SHARING DESIRES

Sharing Desires

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.Proverbs 13:12

As I’ve written in the last few days about self-revelation, we’ve looked at sharing experiences and feelings. Today I want to talk about sharing desires. The failure to share desires is a source of much misunderstanding and frustration in any romantic relationship. Expecting your mate to fulfil your unexpressed desires is asking the impossible, and that makes disappointment inevitable. If you want your spouse to do something special on your birthday, for example, then say so. Don’t expect your partner to read your mind.

In Proverbs 13:12, King Solomon presented a striking word picture of fulfilled and unfulfilled desires. Of course, not all our daily wishes rise to the level of making us heartsick if they’re not fulfilled, but the basic idea is that when good, healthy desires are filled, joy can result. Why wouldn’t you want to do that for your spouse? And why wouldn’t your spouse want that for you?

Letting your spouse know what you want is a vital part of self-revelation. Several statements reveal desires: “I want . . . ,” “I wish . . . ,” “Do you know what would really make me happy?” or “I’d like to . . .” If you express your desires, your spouse has a chance to accommodate them. You are not demanding; you are requesting. You cannot control your spouse’s decisions. You can clearly state what you would like. It’s a step toward intimacy.

Father, help me to communicate my desires more openly. I don’t want to be demanding, but I want to reveal more of myself—and the things I hold close to my heart—to the one I love. Please bless our relationship as we strive to fulfil each other’s desires.