Loving Honesty

Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne. Unfailing love and truth walk before you as attendants. Psalm 89:14

A husband said to me, “My wife is so fragile emotionally, and I don’t want to hurt her, so I keep all my feelings inside. But sometimes I feel like I’m going to explode.” Do you think this husband is doing his wife a favour? His intentions may be good, but I think he’s destroying his marriage.

Psalm 89 mentions “unfailing love and truth” as two of God’s most prominent characteristics. When the truth is ignored, love is compromised. The Bible also says that we are to speak the truth in love—and that doing so helps us grow more and more like Christ (see Ephesians 4:15). Both of those points are important: (1) speak the truth and (2) do it in a loving way.

Remember, love, edifies. Love builds up. Love seeks to do what is best for the other person. Holding your frustrations hurts, and pain inside is not good for your mate or your marriage. In fact, it is extremely unfair because it shuts him or her out. Your spouse cannot respond to your pain if he or she is not aware of it.

If you’re in this situation, you might say, “Honey, I love you very much, and I realize that I have wronged you by not sharing this with you sooner. I didn’t want to hurt you, but that’s no excuse. Please hear me. I’m not trying to put you down; I’m trying to let you know how I feel.” Then tell the truth about your emotions. Now your spouse has a chance to help. You might be surprised at the response.

Father, thank you for showing us through your Word that truth and love are both inherent in your nature—and should be inherent in ours. When I hold back the truth because I don’t want to hurt my spouse, I’m usually fooling myself about my motives. Please help me to speak honestly but kindly as I try to love my spouse enough to communicate clearly.