REMOVING THE PLANK

It is easy for us to identify the failures of our mates, but more difficult to admit our own. When couples come to me for counselling, I often give each individual a sheet of paper and ask them to list their spouse’s faults. They will write profusely for ten or fifteen minutes. Some even ask for more paper.

Then I ask them to make a list of their own faults. Most people can think of one. But I have seen them sit there and sit there trying to think of a second. Seldom has anyone come back to my office with more than four things on that list. We see twenty-seven things wrong with our spouse, but we only have four on our own list.

We tend to see ourselves through rose-coloured glasses. Our faults do not look very big to us because we are used to them. We have lived with them for years. Naturally, then, we attribute the real problem to our mate’s behaviour. But Jesus warned us not to judge each other because the level of criticism we use against others will be used against us—likely by our spouse! He told us to first get the plank out of our own eye. Once we’ve done that, we can see more clearly to help our mate deal with his or her faults.

When it comes to seeking genuine reconciliation with our mate, admitting our own failure is the first step.

Lord Jesus, I am ashamed at how often I criticize my spouse harshly yet don’t give my failings a second thought. Please forgive my judgmental spirit. Help me to deal with my own issues before I cast blame on my spouse. And please help me to express love, patience, and kindness to my husband or wife, rather than criticism.